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Hi again

Hey hey hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been MIA these past few weeks. I’ve started my senior year of college so you can imagine how busy I am. To be completely honest, I haven’t been that busy, but I have been trying to live my life outside of the cyber world. I’ve come to realize that social media, the internet, the virtual world, etc., can be truly evil. It can poison our minds with these ideas that we are all supposed to be a certain way and we are all supposed to be constantly doing something new and crazy to top the next person. I’m tired of these images of fake happiness and all the comparison that goes on, but what truly scares me is that these people actually believe they are happy with these superficial lives. Maybe they are truly happy. And if they are, I do not want to be one to take that away from them. But I just can’t seem to achieve this same happiness doing those same things. I’m not saying these things aren’t fun every now and then, but it also doesn’t give me deep DEEP happiness. I think I am still out here looking for it. But I have come to realize that I am truly grateful for some of the people I have in my life. They really do keep me from going off my rocker. Anyway, that is all for today. Let’s all try to have a good day. 🙂

…

I wish it was 7 PM on a Thursday winter night. I wish I was sitting at my kitchen table in a poorly lit room, blankets draped across my legs, holding a warm cup of coffee. Am I alone? No.. someone is there too. But we aren’t speaking. We are simply in each other’s presence. No music. No noise. Only the rustling leaves the wind carries into the crisp night.

 

 

This is a panic post

Oh god… it feels like my life is a tumultuous mess. I complain about life being dull and boring and I still feel this way at times but it is weird how day to day activities can be boring while there is so much more going on in the background. I’m 24 and I know I shouldn’t expect to have life figured out.. in fact I’m realizing that most people get older and are still just as confused..but oh god. I can’t stop thinking that in my head. Oh god.. what did I get myself into? How do these things happen? I can’t tell if I bring them upon myself or if this is just my misfortune of a life. Am I exaggerating or if I were to bring someone else into my shoes, would they explode from all the chaos? Where do I start? Where do I start…

A Drop in the Ocean

My friend told me this today and it really stuck with me. We were talking about morality and how people abuse the system sometimes. I wondered how much of a difference we are really making by doing the right thing versus jumping on the bandwagon and taking advantage of the things we could get. He quoted a movie line: “life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is an ocean but a multitude of drops”. I tend to think realistically and often ask myself how much of a difference are we actually making? But I liked this because i came to the realization that any form of movement started by one single drop.. and then others followed and made a ripple. Suddenly, you realize you could have been someone who made a difference in a change you wanted to see. It may be a bit cheesy. But it really touched me.

Small update

Hello virtual world. I have been meaning to post for some time now. Unfortunately my internet is down so I am having to do this through my phone so I will make it short because I am not a fan of typing out a long post through my phone…

So much has changed since the last time I posted something. I graduated college. Yep.. I did it. To be completely honest, I failed my last semester. I walked for graduation ceremony but had to go back in the fall semester to finish ONE class. But I got it done and I am officially a college graduate. A lot happened throughout that semester that changed me. I always say I don’t know if I believe in god or not but I think I was meant to stay another semester for a good reason. I will talk about this in another post soon when I have internet. **make mental note to talk about this in future post**

Fast forward to when I actually finished school, I moved out of my apartment that had been my home for 3.5 years. I met a friend who I know deep in my heart will stay in my life forever. And I got my life together… somewhat. I live alone now. That is a whole other post on its own … *make another mental note**. This post is not meant to talk about some lesson I have learned or some meaning I got out of something. I wanted to update this because when I look back, I will be happy that I did.

Until next time 🙂

There is a lot of clutter and chaos in the world. Sometimes it is nice. Sometimes it is overwhelming.  Most times it is excessive. Social media for example, I have found it to be incredibly overwhelming and unnecessary most of the time. This might be just me and a few select people who cannot adjust or brains and minds to the constant stimulation and information that we are being fed. I don’t give a crap about most things that I see as I scroll through my feed. At the same time, I feel like a hypocrite for saying this. If i don’t give a crap, why don’t I just stay off it?

Let my brain have room and peace for important information. Thank you world.

Beep Bop I am a Robot

I am trying to learn how to embrace my mind. It is very apparent to me that I have lost many nails that were meant to keep it sane and shut. Isn’t it weird how as we grow up, we all learn what is considered “normal” and not normal. In these modern times, I feel like we are trying to transition from what we always thought was “normal” to being more open to anything. It is very confusing sometimes and I feel like I fall behind all the time. Something that contradicts this very notion is that we have to be very careful about how we speak. Everyone gets offended nowadays. Most people suck. Question of the day: Is everyone as bland as they appear to be? Okay back to work. Chug a chug chug. That was supposed to be my brain. Goodbye.

I wish there were instructions for everything in life.

I don’t know how to begin. It’s not that I have a lot to say. I just want to express the sorrow I feel on days like today. Boring days. Everyone hates boring days. They are nice every once in a while. They are nice if you can spend them with your best friend or your significant other. Ideally they are the same person, but that is unrelated to this post. I struggle a lot with days like these. I wonder if many other people do too. One of my biggest internal struggles that I have lived with for as long as I can remember is with food. Although I know that many girls struggle with food, I wonder if it consumes their minds as much as it does with mine. Most of my decisions are based around it. I wish I could explain to someone..anyone just how heavy that last sentence actually is. I don’t mean this in a light hearted way at all. Food in general weighs so heavily on my mind. It feels like a toxin inside my mind that has taken over my entire mind and body and consumes my almost every thought. I try to preoccupy myself with tasks, I go see other people, I make sure I am not home and am always on the move. But that can get old and tiring. Some days are easier than others. Some days, I have other things on my mind. I have other internal fights within myself. I want to float far far away to a place with very little people. Everything feels new to me. In a good and bad way. At the same time, I am an easily bored person. Many times, I realize that I am too sensitive for a big part of this world. Where do I go from here?

Life is all about trial and error

Sometimes it feels like I’ve made so many mistakes and I can’t seem to learn from any of them

I started this post a few months back and I’m getting back to it now.

Life is all about never ending lessons and opportunities to improve ourselves and find the things that make us happy. These things will change from time to time but that’s okay.

I have so much to learn and experience still.. but I’m doing alright these days. I’m doing more than alright if I’m being completely honest. Goodnight fellow bloggers